You just don’t understand me!!
Have you heard this from a teenager in your house? Perhaps you said this when you were a teenager in your parents’ house? It’s not just teens who struggle with this lack of understanding in their families, it is a problem for most of us in our committed relationships as well. Usually the person saying […]
Will you love me unconditionally?
Are we supposed to love our partners unconditionally? Some people think that the only kind of love is the unconditional kind – challenging, sacrificial and imperative. When I think of unconditional love, I think about babies and dogs. Babies need to be loved without any conditions. They manage to get vomit and poo on things […]
What can I do when my kids say hurtful things?
The problem: Perhaps you have heard statements like these: “My friend has better food at her house than we do” “You’re the only one who makes me mad, mum” “You’re such a dragon. I don’t like my friends coming over here” Or that old chestnut, “I hate you!” These critical statements, and many others like […]
The way we were
It doesn’t seem to matter how long I’ve been observing, counselling and coaching couples, I’m regularly struck by how thoroughly we become detached from those cuddly, adoring ‘I’ll-take-a bullet-for-you’ relationship beginnings. It strikes such a sombre inner chord as I realise that sincere, elegant, flawed, delightful, worn out, hardworking, genuine, ordinary people, in long-term committed […]
So, let’s talk about SEX for a bit…
I’ve noticed that often when men and women chat with me about past or existing affairs, there is often conveyed a sense of being revived while in this passionate liaison – a feeling of being brought back to life, switched on, electrified in the sexual part of themselves. They are revelling in certain elements of […]
The Couples’ Story. Who is right?
“My wife is pestering me for one of these”, announced the carpenter who was building the deck on the back of my house. “Oh, really?” I replied. “Every weekend for the last year she’s been on at me about building the thing… as if I really want to do this on my weekends!” “Sounds a […]
More Angry?
What about when we get angry at our babies or toddlers? We feel such intense shame after our angry words and actions and this shame works double-time to keep our dark experience with our toddlers hidden away as a secret. Logically, we know they are so very young and they are not really trying to […]
Lower the stress – just a slice
What helps your anxiety shift closer to calm? I’m not referring to alcohol or substances or other addictions. (They will certainly act as though they are easing strong feelings but, like a firefighter axing down your front door and hosing everything in sight, an extraordinary mess is left behind). One way to look at anxiety […]
If you do what I say, it will be okay!
Some of us really struggle with doing what we’re told. It goes against the grain to have someone, who is not us, tell us what to do. Even if we completely agree with the reasons behind the request like; wear a seatbelt, put on a hat when you’re out in the sun, drink less alcohol, […]
I just want to sleep!!
How about that maddening frustration of being in bed, in the small hours of the night, wide awake? Argghhh! The time seems to slow right down and each minute takes an hour to pass. This is where anxiety and frustration can build into the perfect storm of discouraging or angry thoughts – which then make […]